Nov 27, 2014

Ponies Through The Ages: Day 27

Happy Thanksgiving, fellow OIMers! Or, those of you in the United States, at least.

If you're not in the United States, consider yourself lucky that you don't have to deal with the horrors of Black Friday shopping. *shudder*

Anyways, today, I'm looking at the first "Equestria Girls" movie.

---500 WORD COUNT STARTS NOW---

So we open with Twilight lamenting the fact that she hasn't yet gotten used to being a princess. She's a princess? She hasn't always had wings? That crown is some magical artifact? What?

Obviously, we know all of the answers. However, this is a movie. You are premiering it in theaters. You are inevitably going to get people who have not seen the show before. These people will be confused. You have to explain everything.

"But isn't that boring for those of us who have seen the show?"

Yes, which is why you can't do that.

"But you said-"

Yes, it's a contradiction, which is why theatrical movies that are based on television shows rarely ever work. This thing should have either been a TV Movie, a two-part episode, or not exist at all. A theatrical release is literally the worst possible choice for it. If you had to do that, though, then you have to weave it in smartly. Have the characters talk about their adventures, but doing so in a way that feels like they are reminiscing naturally, not just giving exposition.

Anyways, after the opening, Sunset Shimmer steals Twilight's crown, and then goes through the mirror, pursued by Twilight and Spike. And from there, it's just a standard cliché high school movie. It's pretty bad at hiding its clichés. On top of that, there are three major problems with the movie.

First, to quote Sunset Shimmer: "Pop quiz: What happens when an Element of Harmony leaves its world?" Well, the answer is.........nothing! SERIOUSLY. That question was totally pointless because as we can see, nothing happens as a result of this. It feels like it was supposed to be a plotline that ended up being cut from the final script of the movie. I don't know how they missed this.

Second, Sunset Shimmer. She is a jerk and a bully. That's it. After Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, and Sombra, along with other powerful threats to all of ponykind, we get just a plain old ordinary asshole? Yeah, sorry, that's no good for your big epic movie. Yeah she turns into a demon at the end of it, but that just comes out of nowhere at the last minute as a diabolus ex machina. (That's a deus ex machina that happens in the antagonist's favor, for those who don't know.)

The third is Flash Sentry. After Twilight gets back, she says that she doesn't have a crush on him, and so then the other members of the Main Six insists that she does. I'm sorry, what!? Didn't she just say that she DOESN'T? Since when do you guys doubt your friends? They seriously just act like gossipy teenagers here, which are definitely not the characters I came to love over the course of the show. If I were Twilight, I would be pretty ticked off at my friends for not leaving me alone about it after I said that I'm not interested in him. Seriously guys, fuck off.

---500 WORD COUNT ENDS NOW---

Well, join me tomorrow when I start to look at an actual GOOD movie that has less clichés.

1 comment:

  1. A movie laced with problems and issues, yet I still adore it. I just can't bring myself to be too critical on Equestria Girls, maybe because everyone else seemed to be way to overly critical of the whole "human" thing. It's fun, bad but fun.

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